DEFEATING FAILURE

     Last tuesday was one despairing turning point in my more than twenty years of existence! 

     Call it hunch or intuition but I know beforehand that something would go wrong on that day; and unluckily I turned out to have a good one (hunch).

     "Miss, is looking for you!", a classmate/close friend of mine told me (he was referring to our dean's secretary). That one-liner alone told me everything I was dreadfully anticipating to hear... "My disqualification from being an honor student".

     Baaaaaaaaaaam! I feel like the entire weight of the school came crashing down on me when I heard the news straight from the secretary's mouth. I thought I would break down inside the CAS office, but to my surprise I was still there, standing.

    Honestly, I wasn't entirely shocked when I heard it, I've conditioned myself for this possibility; and now I'm not even sure if I'd be glad or not for doing so. Though I tried to prepare myself from that ominous possibility, I won't deny the fact that I was badly hurt and disheartened about everything; I would be a hypocrite if I'd say I wasn't!

    After seing my name on the list of possibe honors posted on the bulletin, I was silently praying for it to be true, I was hoping for it to come true. All those times I was praying and hoping, I was thinking about how happy and proud my parents would be. But sadly, eleven days before my BIG DAY, every bit of possibility were turned into shattered pieces of disappointments. 

     It seems like I was floating out of nowhere when I went out from the CAS office. I was just glad my friend Calai was with me the whole time. From going to the CAS office with my heart half-broken to stepping out of the office with my whole heart broken, Calai was there with me. 

    However, now more than ever I knew I have to face it, I need to face reality, I can't turn my back from it, that's for sure...

     Now the next hard thing I needed to do was face everything, head-on!

     First I need to deal with my friends' questions and curiosity. I know they would instantly see "Mr. Pain" written all over my face. They would sense that something's  not right with me, they always do, especially my close pals. (I'm that transparent with my emotions. I'm quite a lousy liar and pretender)

     
     And as I've guessed it, they bombarded me with why's, how-could-that-be's, and what-happens. So there I was at the guidance office surrounded with bewildered and confused friends while I'm trying to get hold with my emotions; I don't want to cause a scene on such a public place! Yet, to my dismay I still ended up half-sobbing and half-narrating to them about what had happened.

     At first I thought that all I'd get from them were their sympathetic words and hugs, but boy was i surprised; they turned out to be the most mature, optimistic, and encouraging bunch of friends I ever have. And I was like, wow, what a relief! I wasn't wrong having them as friends after all. 

     Things are slowly getting better as I've seen it, but I know I need to do something before I can totally let go of the pain I'm carrying along with me.

With my cellphone on my hand, I texted my mother, "Ma, I'm still part of the dean's lister, but I wasn't able to make it to the honor lists." I send the text message and waited for my mother's response (I haven't told my parents that my name was on the list of possible honors). Negative thoughts were creeping up inside my head while I was waiting for what my mother has to say. Minutes later, I've received my mom's text message, "That's okay, the important thing is that you'll be able to graduate." And with that, I shed a river of tears again; I was shedding happy tears this time! I wasn't expecting to hear those words from my mother, I was waiting for the 'why?' part to happen, but it didn't. Instead all I've heard from her was the sweetest "It's okay" I've heard in my entire life! That was something for me, no, in fact it was all what I needed that time.

     Now I know my friends didn't see me less as a person and my mom didn't love me less as a daughter because of what happened. So I guess what right do I have to wallow and allow myself to be eaten up with sadness and miseries right?

     I thought that what had happened would bring me back to my old pessimistic, miserable self; however it turned out to be exactly different! What happened made me a better, stronger, and a more mature person, friend and daughter.

     What happened allowed me to realize tons of beautiful learnings and I'd like to share them too...

• I know God has better plans for me and He thinks that I don't need the recognition to achieve my goals and reach my dreams.
• True friends never question your capabilities, they just simply believed on it instead.
• True friends will not just cry with you, but they will wipe your tears as well until you're able to see things clearly for yourself.
• Sometimes, it's not your parents who's putting the pressure on you, but it's you who's trying to put the pressure on them to pressure you! (Get it?!)
• Your family will never love you less even though you tend to love yourself less at times.
• It's senseless and pointless feeling awful and pathetic over something unchangeable or irreparable. 
• Thinking happy thoughts can take you way farther and higher than you could imagine!

     "So you see, it's now how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up after every fall that truly matter!" ☺☺☺

(To my dear friends who cheered and lifted up my spirit, SUPER-DUPER-UBER THANK YOU! To Lala, bes Tonet, Mommy Teeya, sis Sabeel, kagz Tiff, Calai, you're the best guyz! To my nursing palz who said they will always be my #1 fan, bestfriend Bamba and Jesie boy, thank you! (aaawwww.. super touched with that! ☺)

xoxo,

Mae =) 

PERD CLASS: My Thoughts On CHANGE

As a saying goes, “If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.”

     From the smallest creature, to every flora and fauna, to the tiniest particle of the matter, and to each human being, we all do undergo change; it may be in form, size, shape, and behavior.




    Change is indeed inevitable. Every thing in this world, living or not, changes or has to change in order to serve its purpose. Whether we like it or not, change is naturally around and within us. Change is the only constant thing in this world, and change is a sign of growth. 

    Change can both be good or bad, depending on how you view it and deal with it. If taken positively, change can be of great help in order to improve or enhance a person’s quality of life or perception on certain things.  Like in our country’s present situation, we all want to reform the kind and quality of governance we have had in our country for the past decades or so. In order to achieve that, we must change our wrong concept and ideas of what a true leader should be.

    
     On the other hand if we choose to hinder change, then for sure we will never learn to grow and we will never have the chance to discover new things and possibilities. Abortion for instance is a way of hindering change to take its natural course. People, women in particular, who underwent abortion (not for health reasons) are in a way begrudging that life form to grow up and discover the world.

    Although change is a need, it has to come from within us as well; we have to accept it willingly and be open to it in order for it to take place. We all know that we have flaws, we have imperfections, we have limitations; but if we gladly recognize these faults within us and accept the notion that we have to do something about it, and so we then can finally allow ourselves to grow up and change for the better. For example, a talent manager never fails to remind his talent to change her attitude problem so she will be able to stay longer in the business. No matter how religiously and willingly this talent manager extends his guidance to his talent, if the talent herself isn’t going to do anything about it, then she will never grow as an artist/actress.

    Change as a whole could really be of great help to us, as long as we do it for the good of ourselves and most importantly for the good of everybody. As what Winston Churchill said, “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction”.

   


    I know ever since that I am born with flaws and imperfections. Since I know there are tons of me that need to undergo renovation and overhauling, I would just mention those things that I think are the most in need of immediate aid and repair.

   One thing that I have been trying to change ever since is my being lazy and this “mañana habbit”. I don’t know why most of the times I tend to delay doing certain things especially if I think they’re not that important to me. Every time I have a certain task to finish, I don’t do it right away and instead wait for the “twelfth hour” before doing it. It may sound stupid but I have this thinking that there will always be time for everything, and sometimes I think I work better and faster if I’m time-pressured.

    Another thing that I have really been working out on is my self-esteem. It might not be that evident, but every now and then I am struggling to keep my self-esteem at bay. There are certain situations and instances wherein it triggers my “self-wallowing” mode. Although it’s much easier for me now to pull myself back from the ill-feeling of self-pity but still I hope that I will not be encountering such doubt on myself anymore.


     Patience is also one of the things that I have been mustering and mastering for quite some time now. It’s one of my “work in progress”.


    Honestly, I’m really trying hard to change my being lazy and this “mañana habbit” that I have. In fact, there are really times that I can get pass through it, but I just can’t help but fell back into this “tiresome feeling”. I believe that I have to practice conditioning my mind that “time is of the essence”. Instead of telling myself that “there’s time for everything”, I would now remind myself that, “I don’t have all the time in the world”. I need to act now and don’t wait for the chance to pass me by unnoticed!

    With regards to my problem with my self-esteem, I guess I need to give more trust to myself. Although compared before, I can say that I’m doing well with trying to boost up my morale now. If before I get easily drown by the “I-pity-myself” feeling, now it’s much easier to pick myself up from my negative train of thoughts. I believe I have to think more of the great things I have accomplished and imagine the better and greater things that I could do in the future so I will not be swallowed back into the awful feeling of self-pity.
   

     Lastly, as what I’ve said, my patience is one of my “work in progress”. I have long been aware that I am impatient and there’s a need for me to control my temper. I know I have to do something about this to avoid bringing more damage to the relationship I have with my family and other people. Because of not being able to control my temper, I tend to say mean things and worse, I tend to talk back to my parents/elders. I know that hurtful and unkind words could bring greater damage and injury to a person compared to the physical pain we could cause them. I am also aware that not being able to control my temper won’t do anything good to me or to others that’s why I took the initiative of changing myself and pushing myself to learn to be patient. I believe that eventually, all of these “reformation” I have would be for my own good and for every one else. =)


~pOsted this nOte later than the actual day i wrOte it...=)

xoxo,


Mae =)

twitlonger for @tinkeylicious

I knew @tinkeylicious frOm twitter... she's One Of the few peOple i wOuld really take time reading on their tweets... We're bOth MELASON (Melisa and Jason Of PinOy Big Brother Double Up, fOr thOse whO didn't knOw)  fans but that's nOt just the reasOn why i kinda get hOoked w/ her tweets... I guess this gOes tO shOw that twitter is nOt just sOme sOcial netwOrking site tO gOssip abOut peOple, clOthes, new stuff and the likes Or pOsting Of senseless updates Of Ones self... I believe twitter Offers mOre than that, and it's sOmething that can be super tOuching and nice... like creating FRIENDSHIP!

 sO here, i'll share what i thOught abOut her and her tweets... (this was my initial reactiOn when i fOund OUt that she received hate-tweets frOm haters & bashers)...


>>frOM my twitlOnger<<

mae olmos masbate

On Friday 26th February 2010, @weathergurl_mae said:

reply

@tinkeylicious, i wish yOu cOuld read this...sana yOu'll have time... hehheheheh^_^

Feb 26, 2010
Super late reaction na talaga akO.. hehehehe.. i've read yOur tweets yesterday w/ regards tO the #MELASON thingy(i dO take time in readiing your tweets everyday:D) and thOugh i wanted tO say sOmething right then and there, my time didn't allOw me tO dO sO kaya ngayOn nlng akO magte-tweet...

anywayz, i just wanted tO tell yOu that i'm One Of thOse peOple whO truly appreciate yOur tweets, may they be #MELASON updates Or just purely yOur thOughts.

I admit thOugh that i fOllowed yOu at first because i wanted tO be updated w/ #MELASON moments, but later On i grew fOnd Of yOur "side cOmments" and w/ yOur "amazing vOice" sa mga campaign/vOice clips. Believe it Or nOt, yOU're One Of the few peOple that i wOUld immediately lOok fOr while i'm back reading my twitter; and believe it Or nOt, i spend mOre time reading yOur tweets than the many celebrities i fOllowed. (Di tO char-char, as inz!C:)

If yOu're wOndering why i hanged-on and remained as yOur fOllower (like the Other thOusands Of fOllowers yOU have whO stayed) thOugh PBB DOuble Up is Over, well here's why:

1. You sure dO makes a lOt Of sense when yOu tweet... i lOve the way hOw yOu spontaneously speak your mind! You dOn't care whether peOple wOuld agree Or nOt with yOur OpiniOn. As lOng as yOu were able tO "let it all Out" & yOU didn't dO harm tO anyOne in the process then it's CHOKZ lng...:)

2. You knOw when tO have FUN! You might be very seriOus when it cOmes tO sharing a piece Of yOUr mind but yOu sure knOw hOw and when tO break the ice!

3. You're entertaining! heheheh.. i dOn't grOw bOred w/ yOur tweetz, especially during thOse "campaign/vOIce clips mOments"! Your vOice is music tO the ears indeed! You're like the "VOICE OVER DIVA" Or sOmething! (IDOL! hhehehhe)

4. We share the same thOughts On certain issues. mOst Of the time i still find it amusing & amazing reading yOur tweets because Of the fact that we share the same sentiments. It's like yOu're speaking On Our behalf (thOse whO share the same thOughts w/ u specially On #MELASON issues.) It's a relief tO knOw sOmeone whO cOuld speak for Others!

lastly,
5. I learned frOm yOu!... yeahp! i sure had cOuntless Of learnings & realizations frOm yOu;I guess i need nOt tO enumerate them. but i assure yOu, they're all cOnstructive learnings/realizations!

So that's it! and with that, kudOs tO you @tinkeylicious fOr being an inspiration. keep yOUr tweets gOing, dOn't mind the haters (they knOw nOthin but tO hate!) and GOD BLESS yOu!

>>PEACE, L♥VE, & everything NICE! ♥mAe Of CEBU☺♥

Short: http://tl.gd/c0bl4 | Posted from Twitlonger

xoxo,


Mae =)