For the past days, I find it so hard going to sleep without thinking about the mess that I was in. Ever since I found out about the so called "back stabbing" issue of my friends, I never fail to head back to bed with a heavy heart. And same thing in the morning, when I wake up the next day. Every day when I try to open my eyes and to reality, I always wish to just go back to sleep;to not face the day ahead of me; to not going to school knowing that I am avoiding some people. But then again, I know that it's inevitable!
It's utterly contrary to reason not to face the blinding reality ahead. I know I can't go on forever escaping their presence. For the moment, it's the least to take place since I happen to have the same classes with them, all of it (classes) in fact! That's why, every hour I spent in school seems to drench me with pain and sadness. The thought of us not being able to act like the way we used to pains me so much. Sadness would always creep up inside me the moment reality would dawn on me like thunder, OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS STAINED!
Though in my mind I'm doubtful if we would still be able to end this unwanted battle among us, still in my heart I know, and I'm sure that there is still hope for all of us. As long as I keep on hanging to the friendship I once had with them and as long as I don't grow tired praying to God, I believe that in the long run, all of us would wake up from this nightmare!
True enough, we did! All of us finally have awaken from the deep slumber we were in. Yesterday, at around eight in the evening, in the four corners of the newsroom of the DYAR, the "battle" was ended!
We all said what we have and wanted to say. Misunderstandings were straightened up, realizations were made, forgiveness' were asked and willingly accepted as well, and at the last moment, friendship was rekindled.
At last, the heavy load I'm carrying within my heart was gone. My clouded vision seems to be clearer than before. It's like I was finally able to breathe again, naturally, freely. The tears we shed seem to wash away the hurt and pain I have been taking along with me for the past days. It was replaced with the comfort and relief brought about by the hugs and sorrys we've exchanged.
That moment I had with my friends was one of the few turning points I had in my more than twenty years of existence. My experience with them intensified my belief in friendship. And moreover, it strengthen the faith I have in God.
Now I can say that it's all worth it! I'm so glad I kept hanging on to our friendship,and that I never loose my hope that in God's time, everything will be alright. And more than that, I'm so thankful that I never stopped praying to God.
Truly, it pays to pray and let "Him" take control of everything! Truly, God's answers are way better than ours!!!
P.S. --- To the "people" who prayed for our friendship to be save, thank you! You knOw who you are... :)
xoxo,
Mae =)
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
CRUMPLED
"I hope both of you rot in hell!" I swear I'm screaming hysterically these words at the back of my mind the moment I heard from our common friends the things that they've done behind my back.
Back-stabbing, ungrateful friends indeed they were, I told myself half believing it. I can't seem to find any sane reason why despite my being so good to them, they were still able to back-stabbed me like that. But then again didn't I saw this thing coming? Call me crazy, but yes I had this ominous feeling that soon, one or some of the people I'm hanging out with (whom I actually considered friends) would eventually hurl hurtful words either on my face or behind my back. True enough, it happened!
Though I hopefully prayed it won't, still it did and it was frustratingly unstoppable. The damage was done, a gap was created, and they went unfairly overboard this time. It's true, I was badly wounded, emotionally battered by the awful things and offensive words they've said against me.
I can't grasp the logic on why they have to say those things behind my back, describe me in a way as if I'm the most hideous creation of a human, next to Frankenstein. The words really did cut and dug deeper into my soul. I never remembered bragging anyone about how I look, because in the first place, there's nothing to brag about it either. I know I don't have the face like that of Angelina Jolie nor Aphrodite. I am aware that I don't have a pleasant look, but why do they have to emphasize the flaws I have? It seems like they've made the way I look as their laughingstock.
But more than that, I was mostly hurt because I truly and willingly offered them my friendship, without any expectations, nor asking them favors in return. Yes, I voluntarily shared them one of the greatest thing a person can offer to others, and I do believe that is genuine friendship. Yet what they've done seems to be a form of rejection to what I have freely handed over to them. They were like throwing it back to me in pieces as if they never really wanted it in the first place.
I was fooled, I felt betrayed! Probably it's my fault one way or another since I was so caught up with this belief that I had. "Friends are your real treasure, so take very good care of them!" I do value friendship so much, in fact too much at times, that I would do everything in my limited power to make them happy. Sounds like crap but it's true, I do love my friends so much. And when I say I am your friend, I really do mean that. I am more than willing to live up to what the word FRIENDSHIP means. I may sound another "kiss ass", but sorry to disappoint you, I'm not the kind of person who would circle the earth just to please someone.
If along the way, my actions or my being true annoyed these so called friends of mine and even pushed them to react the way they reacted then all I can say is, "I'm sorry!" I never mean to get on their nerves, I was just being myself all the time. I apologize if my being real bothered them. I just don't like to go living on earth pretending to be someone I'm not. Doing such is not only emotionally-draining but it's soul-scorching as well!
Honestly, I have no vivid picture on how all of these would end. Though somehow I'm hoping and praying that everything would be over! It's not easy waking up every morning with a heavy heart. It's quite difficult to pretend every single day that nothing is really going on when you know deep within you that there is. I know all of these things happening right between me and my friends have reasons...reasons that are yet to be known and probably, to be learned the hard way. Hopefully, with our human efforts and with God's guidance, we'll be able to iron back the crumpled friendship we have. In GOd's time, I do really pray.
I'm still hoping that the bond of friendship is stronger than the many differences and shortcomings our individual lives have...
:'(
xoxo,
Mae =)
Back-stabbing, ungrateful friends indeed they were, I told myself half believing it. I can't seem to find any sane reason why despite my being so good to them, they were still able to back-stabbed me like that. But then again didn't I saw this thing coming? Call me crazy, but yes I had this ominous feeling that soon, one or some of the people I'm hanging out with (whom I actually considered friends) would eventually hurl hurtful words either on my face or behind my back. True enough, it happened!
Though I hopefully prayed it won't, still it did and it was frustratingly unstoppable. The damage was done, a gap was created, and they went unfairly overboard this time. It's true, I was badly wounded, emotionally battered by the awful things and offensive words they've said against me.
I can't grasp the logic on why they have to say those things behind my back, describe me in a way as if I'm the most hideous creation of a human, next to Frankenstein. The words really did cut and dug deeper into my soul. I never remembered bragging anyone about how I look, because in the first place, there's nothing to brag about it either. I know I don't have the face like that of Angelina Jolie nor Aphrodite. I am aware that I don't have a pleasant look, but why do they have to emphasize the flaws I have? It seems like they've made the way I look as their laughingstock.
But more than that, I was mostly hurt because I truly and willingly offered them my friendship, without any expectations, nor asking them favors in return. Yes, I voluntarily shared them one of the greatest thing a person can offer to others, and I do believe that is genuine friendship. Yet what they've done seems to be a form of rejection to what I have freely handed over to them. They were like throwing it back to me in pieces as if they never really wanted it in the first place.
I was fooled, I felt betrayed! Probably it's my fault one way or another since I was so caught up with this belief that I had. "Friends are your real treasure, so take very good care of them!" I do value friendship so much, in fact too much at times, that I would do everything in my limited power to make them happy. Sounds like crap but it's true, I do love my friends so much. And when I say I am your friend, I really do mean that. I am more than willing to live up to what the word FRIENDSHIP means. I may sound another "kiss ass", but sorry to disappoint you, I'm not the kind of person who would circle the earth just to please someone.
If along the way, my actions or my being true annoyed these so called friends of mine and even pushed them to react the way they reacted then all I can say is, "I'm sorry!" I never mean to get on their nerves, I was just being myself all the time. I apologize if my being real bothered them. I just don't like to go living on earth pretending to be someone I'm not. Doing such is not only emotionally-draining but it's soul-scorching as well!
Honestly, I have no vivid picture on how all of these would end. Though somehow I'm hoping and praying that everything would be over! It's not easy waking up every morning with a heavy heart. It's quite difficult to pretend every single day that nothing is really going on when you know deep within you that there is. I know all of these things happening right between me and my friends have reasons...reasons that are yet to be known and probably, to be learned the hard way. Hopefully, with our human efforts and with God's guidance, we'll be able to iron back the crumpled friendship we have. In GOd's time, I do really pray.
I'm still hoping that the bond of friendship is stronger than the many differences and shortcomings our individual lives have...
:'(
xoxo,
Mae =)
Monday, March 9, 2009
COMFORTABLY PECULIAR
I can't get him, no I don't get him sometimes, in fact it's most of the times. He's definitely living up to the secret nickname I have given him, "The Weather Man".
Yes! He's my Weather Man. I name him such because of the way he suddenly shifts his mood. There are times he's in high-spirit, but at times he looks as though his secretly mourning for something, or someone; whichever it is I don't really know the exact reason. He's fairly unpredictable, and I don't find him weird at all. We're somewhat heading in the same direction, we're both fickle-minded. I just don't like the idea of him being so fun and cool to talk with and being unbearably quiet at times as well. Maybe that's the reason why I never had a dull moment whenever he's around me. Every time he decides to transform his present mood into something else,I always find myself feeling erratic!
He also has this way of changing his mood that would eventually keep me wanting to solve the mystery behind him. Mysterious and unpredictable, quite a combination huh?! Honestly, if I could give him a medal for his erratic behavior, I would be eager to award him a gold medal for it. I think he's so good at what he's doing that I can't afford to be pissed about it, or shall I say I'm just trying to ignore it instead, it's bearable anyway. Well, as a matter of fact I tend to find him more attractive and enigmatic whenever he does his "Hey-I'm-cool-now-but-I-won't-be-in-a-while attittude"!
Alhough he's puzzling behavior makes me want to hit him hard on the head once in a while(which obviously I can't afford nor dare to do that to him),still I find some unfathomable comfort about it!
xoxo,
Mae =)
Yes! He's my Weather Man. I name him such because of the way he suddenly shifts his mood. There are times he's in high-spirit, but at times he looks as though his secretly mourning for something, or someone; whichever it is I don't really know the exact reason. He's fairly unpredictable, and I don't find him weird at all. We're somewhat heading in the same direction, we're both fickle-minded. I just don't like the idea of him being so fun and cool to talk with and being unbearably quiet at times as well. Maybe that's the reason why I never had a dull moment whenever he's around me. Every time he decides to transform his present mood into something else,I always find myself feeling erratic!
He also has this way of changing his mood that would eventually keep me wanting to solve the mystery behind him. Mysterious and unpredictable, quite a combination huh?! Honestly, if I could give him a medal for his erratic behavior, I would be eager to award him a gold medal for it. I think he's so good at what he's doing that I can't afford to be pissed about it, or shall I say I'm just trying to ignore it instead, it's bearable anyway. Well, as a matter of fact I tend to find him more attractive and enigmatic whenever he does his "Hey-I'm-cool-now-but-I-won't-be-in-a-while attittude"!
Alhough he's puzzling behavior makes me want to hit him hard on the head once in a while(which obviously I can't afford nor dare to do that to him),still I find some unfathomable comfort about it!
xoxo,
Mae =)
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