I Am My Own Tailor

It's been how long? A week or two? More than 10 days? I guess I already lost track counting the days that went by. 

It's not that long though because I can still picture it inside my head. Every single day that have passed by was like a living nightmare for me. I don't have any idea how did I get through with it.

It's not easy getting over heart aches, one after the other. After I thought that I was able to slowly mend the wound in my heart, another unseen and sudden blow ripped out my 'freshly-sewn heart', open!

Everything happened so fast like the flash of a lightning, that's why I wasn't ready when it hit me. The impact was so strong, even stronger than the past blows I had that's why, I fell down really hard and I'm even badly wounded. My friends may not be able to understand me and they might wonder why I'm hurting like this, but I can't blame them.

Okay, here's the thing, I knew this guy more than a decade ago when I was still busy playing with my barbie and paper dolls and he, probably with his action-figured toys. Then ten years or so later, we accidentally bump into eachother somewhere (I won't mention the specifics 'coz I'm trying to hide his identity, I don't want to let him know.).

After that I'm not really sure what happened and why it happened, it just happened! I instantly had a 'thing' towards him. I mean, who in their sane and logical minds would evidently fall for someone in less than a week and all you did was 'talk' over the phone and the internet?! Now get the picture why my friends don't get me? I myself don't get me sometimes.

But anyway, I'm already 'into' and tangled with this thing already so I guess what I really need to do is to find ways to stop my insanity (I agree that this is totally insane, really!). I think it would be best for me to just stop trying to pull him towards me because it would only torment me more.

I'm like playing tug-of-war with him...the more eager I try to pull him back, the more draining and exhausting the task becomes. So before I'll end up bruised, battered and beyond repair, maybe it's time to let go of the rope and just bravely accept defeat.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the best time for me to start overhauling and knitting my tattered heart. I may not be able to perfectly patch my heart back together, but at least I know I've made the greatest effort of stitching it whole again!

xoxo,

Mae =)