BREATHING

Liking him is so easy for me. It's like breathing. It happens naturally. 

I'M JUST A GIRL

I'm just a girl. An ordinary one, not much to look at. I got a weird name and a collection of nicknames. I am beyond my silver year, technically no longer a girl.

A New Day

And now I'm back to blabbing.

It's been almost two years since my last post and recently, I just had this urge to do my "monologue" again. 

It took me a while to come back here. I don't know. I kept on putting off my next post and eventually, I became rather lazy to update my blog. 

Anyhow. 2014, wow! Time flies indeed fast. Too fast as a matter of fact.

The Day YOU Said Goodbye

“I’ll be leaving for Singapore soon!”

Who would’ve thought that my life would turn around 180 degrees by just hearing that one simple sentence.

I know Singapore is just hours away from home, but hey, it’s my SIS that’s leaving and not just some random stranger that I came across with. And add it to the fact that she told me the news just days before her scheduled flight!

Although I’ve been anticipating for that moment but still, it did came as a surprise, a very big one as a matter of fact. Probably because I wasn’t expecting for her dreams to catch up with her reality that soon.

I know subconsciously she was entertaining the idea of going overseas, it’s just that she was putting it off her mind for quite some time and didn’t figure it out until this year.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for my super-friend! Someone once said, “A real friend rejoices at her friends’ success/accomplishments”. That’s why when I realized that finally in some bizarre circumstance my dearest friend’s prayers was finally answered I went all “Oh my! Sis will have one exciting head start this year!”.

With the kind of friendship we have, I believe it’s reasonable for me to get all down in the dumps for a while. What I have with my sis is one extraordinary kind of friendship. Yes, we may do things like what any other girl friends do and we argue about stuff that any other friends argue about. But more than that we just don’t treat each other as close friends, we treat each other like real sisters.

She’s one of the few that I would talk to over the phone for hours, the one that I instantly think of when I want to share some news (may it be good, bad, or just nonsense), the one I can right away call when I want to go somewhere, the one I know who would fairly judge me when I know I did something stupid.

This temporary geographical distance might inconvenience our friendship in some ways, but I will never allow this to sever the bond we have! Besides, what we’ve got isn’t measured by the distance between us nor the frequency of time spent together.

I know that the day she said goodbye, she’ll be coming back home someday…

 …and with me holding on to that truth, makes everything less heartbreaking. 

xoxo, mae =)

Of Lost Love and Friendship

Some people say that when two friends get too close, they may end up falling in love with each other, or in a more dramatic situation, one may end up falling for the other.

The latter situation though, hits closer to home!

I always wonder if I have this large mark on my forehead that says, "Girl Friend Material" (take note, it's not the one word 'girlfriend'). In fact, one of my girl friends told me that maybe I was made to be just the guy's friend and not the girlfriend. And it made me stop and think that, yeah, I guess I am!

It's not that I'm making it a habit to fall for every guy friend I have, I just happen to have a weakness on guys who would give me "the attention" (whether it's being too sweet or being too annoying, in a good way that is).

This I-fell-for-a-friend-who-doesn't-feel-thesame started way, way back!

At a very young age of 9, I happen to like this classmate-slash-friend of mine. My first crush 'Isko', the object of my baby love! Sad to say though, he likes one of my girl friends back then. It's one big major suck-up for one innocent heart! I guess my invisibility mode was turned on even before!

Then came my puppy love, my childhood friend. When I was in grade 5, I happen to develop a huge crush on 'Ken' who lives across our home. That crush went on for five long years! My young heart kept that affection even when my family decided to move into another place. But eventually every treasured feeling shattered when I found out that he was already my bestfriend's boyfriend... Sounds like a title of a Hollywood movie right?!

Of course, it comes in threes as what people say...

My recent friend-falling stunt was my college guy friend. He was my 'little bro' up until that moment when I started feeling giddy and excited everytime we're together. The time spent together in school and on the way home led me into falling for him in the end... and then 'we' ended. The friendship was irrevocably stained.

Sadly, they all ended up quite differently from what I have in mind. All of it may have left me with a broken heart but still, I'm happy... because I know that when I decide to fall in love, I LOVE REAL!

And after going through all of these I came to know  more of earned friendships now ruined and lost... of desired love shattered and unreturned.

But hey, I believe that life, like some of the movies, don't always end up with "... and they live happily ever after",  not even when the words "The end" appear, as long as the final credits don't stop rolling, the film goes on... and so does life!

xoxo, 

mae =)

Waiting for the love that may never come

I was debating with myself a while ago on whether I should write about this sudden thoughts I have or not... I was half way on deciding not to when I decided to scroll on @ispeakfemale's tweet trying to look for quotes to update my facebook status (which I change like tons of times) and I came across this one specific tweet, "It's not that I don't believe in love. I'm a very strong believer in it actually...I just think that it doesn't believe in me."

And upon reading those words, a decision was made, better put my recent thoughts into writing!

You see, I'm 24 years old, I know some people might say I'm still young and that eventually I would find that one guy whom I would exchange "I love yous" and all those sweet nothings uttered by couples who are head over heals in love with each other.

Yet deep down I have this fearful belief that maybe, love in its romantic sense, is not just for me.

Growing up, I always think how it feels to be in a real romantic relationship. It's not that I've never been with the opposite sex, as far as I can recall, I know I had spent enough time with them... in fact it's more than enough time because I always end up having my heart broken!

Except for that one "unofficial relationship" (if it's even called a relationship since he never made it clear to me on whether what we had was love or I was just assuming we had a thing going on) or that 7-days 'so-called boyfriend' I had (which I no longer considered a relationship after thinking how abrupt the thing between us ended) then I guess it's safe to say that I consider myself as a NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) certified.

I can't seem to come up with any logical explanation on why I can't seem to meet a guy who would get into a serious relationship with me and not just give me short-term spine-chilling, heart-thugging moments.

Really! What is wrong with me?! I seem to repel guys because everytime I try to invest emotions towards them, it would either end up unappreciated and unrequited or it would simply end without clear explanation or whatsoever.

The more I try to make sense out of everything, it only gets more senseless!

Maybe some would say my expectations are set on a very high bar or my mind is too caught up with all those fairytalish romance, maybe they're right, maybe they're not.

But I'm not looking for the knight-in-shining-armor kind of guy, nor a "hollywoodish" man, nor Mr. Perfect, nor Richie Rich. As a matter of fact I'm not looking, I'm just waiting for the arrival of that God-given guy. Patiently waiting that is!

Waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

Get the idea now? I feel like I've been waiting for so long, too long! That's why I can't help but think that maybe, I am waiting for that one great love that may never come, that may never happen.

Thinking about it not only makes me sad, but worse, it makes me feel unwanted. Maybe it's too early for me to give up on love. It's too soon to lose my faith in it. Who knows?

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right...

xoxo,

Mae

PS this was previously posted on my deleted WOrdpress blog... ^^

I Got You

I.  When you're down, flat on the ground
    Can't see nothing, can't hear no sound
    Don't be lonely, don't feel sorry
    Got your back now, don't you worry

* (So) Get up fight back
           Get back on track
           Hold on, stay strong
           With me by your side
           We'll ride through the tides

II. When you're lost and confused
     Badly wounded and all bruised
     Hang in there don't let go
     Grab my hand coz I got you

* (Now) Life may knock you down
              Steal your smile and give you frown
              But through it all you ought to know
              I'm always here I'll share the blow


July 17, 2011
9:55pm

xoxo,

Mae =)

A Tale or Two

♥I've got a tale or two for you
It's neither old nor brand new
You might have heard about it
Or probably known a little bit
This I can assure you though
What I'm about to say, boy they're all true
*Yes I do, I've fallen for you
No you don't have to say you do too
I only want you to hear me out
And know that it's you my heart's calling out
*Stop there and try to listen
My heart's beating to love's rythym
It's singing I love you
Yes I do, I really do
♥A tale or tow I tell again
Bet you didn't hear me back then
Some friends might have told you the news
Or maybe you are still oblivious
Well I don't care coz either way
These words to you still I will say
*Yes I do, I've fallen for you
No you don't have to say you do too
I only want you to hear me out
And know that it's you my heart's calling out
*Stop there and try to listen
My heart's beating to love's rythym
It's singing I love you
Yes I do, I really do
♥Now you know my tale or two
What's on your mind, I got no clue
Laugh about it if you may
Or pretend I didn't come your way
But don't dare feel sorry for me
Coz saying it set my heart free
♦Yes I do, I did fall for you
Telling you was the least I can do
No, you can't say you love me too
But that's okay coz I no longer too

>>>December 12, 2010 1:25A.M

xoxo,

Mae =)

Next Chapter

I. We’re sharing same old story

That one sad and tragic history

We’re singing an ancient song

The one that’s always wrong

Still dancing to that broken beat

Though it’s giving us weary feet

*Why can’t we just move on?

Why do we keep on holding on?

Trying to put the pieces back together

When we both know it would no longer matter

*That’s why… we’re running in this endless race

Keeping up our own familiar pace

You and me, we’re in a daze

Lost inside this crazy maze

II. We’re fighting that medieval fight

When clearly there’s no victory in sight

We’re climbing that same mountain

Although reaching the top is uncertain

Still playing the same game

Thus making us both maim

♦Now it’s time to put an end to this

No more short-lived sorrys and silly pleas

This time I’ll be singing my own melody

And I’m writing my brand new story

(Dec 10th, 2010 5:31pm)

xoxo,

Mae =)

Of Books and Life

          It always occur to me how wonderful life is if it would always end up the way the books I'm reading eventually ends; which by the way  most of the time have this '...and they live happily ever after' kind of ending. Yeah, it sounds ideally fantastic but logically unrealistic!

         

           I mean come on, who was I kidding? I know that not all things that I've came across those books or; shall we say novels, are something which are all the time inclined to reality. As what one of my college professor said, "Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some to be chewed on and digested." And apparently Sir Francis Bacon, the Renaissance author, agreed to this (because originally he said this line☺)!  

        I admit that I seemed to be gazillion miles away from reality when I'm reading books or novels. Or that I am instantly taken away into that place and time where the scene in the novel had taken place; may it be during the Nazi invasion in Europe or at a dinner at a fine restaurant in New York. Or that I tend to see myself as the lady being chased by some mentally-ill killer, or dumped by some lawyer fiancé, or kissed by the irresistible guy-next-door. Or that I found myself laughing, shouting, giggling or crying (in my head or actually in reality) in sync with how the characters are feeling in the novel. But then hey, I guess I'm just so into with what I'm reading that I feel so attached to the characters but that doesn't mean that I'm practically detached from reality, right?!

       Well anyway, despite the fact that I have this overflowing, picturesque and creative imagination I believe that I can still identify what's fact from fiction or what's real from what's not. I still have a full grasp of reality. I still am aware that I'm not Bella Swan who has a gorgeous vampire for a boyfriend and a hot werewolf for a best friend, nor a curator of some museum in search for a message behind a painting, and stuff like that. 

       However I can't help but wish that once in a while those happy endings are same as how most of our lives would end. Like those psychopath killers would rot in prison so justice may be served. That those husbands and wives battling over a divorce would eventually work things out and make-up.  That those people who were once a nobody would grew up to be a somebody. Or maybe, those who had their lives or hearts broken would one day find something or someone that will make them whole again. Sounds great, doesn't it?

        I know that happy endings doesn't happen all the time in the real world; especially not with today's world wherein real life villains (may it be a person, thing, happening, or even yourself) exist and are more than willing to antagonize you every way they can. Yet despite all these negativity and nightmarish set-up, I still think that we could be happy. We only have to allow happiness to dwell in us, in our hearts and in our spirit. And if in case it just wouldn't work out for now, then maybe we'll just have to wait for the real happy ending, in GOD's time that is!


        And when that time comes, we will all be more than the prettiest prince and princess in the kingdom, the richest merchant in town or even the brightest star in Hollywood!




xoxo,


Mae =)

KASAGUTAN

I.  Pa'no to nangyari

   Sa tuwina'y di ko mawari

   Damdamin ko'ng ito'y ngayon

   Di mabigyan ng kahulugan

   Ni kahit ano'ng kasagutan

   Tila para'ng isang bata

   Na sa kawala'y nawawala

    Hindi ko inasahan 
   Hindi ko napansin
   Bigla na lang nagising
   Sa isang bagay na di hiniling
   
II Ako ngayo'y nalilito
  Di masagot ng isip ko
  Naiinis sa'king sarili
  'Pagkat 'di ko pa ma-amin
  Ang bulong nito'ng damdamin
  Ani mo'y isang saralin
  Na 'di malaman kung anong dapat gawin


  Hindi ko na alam
  Ni di ko inasam
  Bigla na lang natauhan
  Sa isang katotohanan


  Di na kailan mangangamba
  Ni magtaka o magduda
  Sagot ng puso'y alam ko na
  Sadyang natagpuan sa'yo sinta


10:25pm
Sept.19, 2010
   
xoxo,


Mae =)

Closet Poet

A poem or two I write

Hoping to make things right

Scrawling things left unspoken

A hope to keep things unbroken

Inking the voices in my head

pouring out the things I dread

A tale of love and life I share

The pain and hurt I used to bare

Thoughts I opt to pen

Immortalized, and never be forgotten 

In silence now I  ran back for cover

like a heroine finding her lover

Anonymous indeed I choose to stay

For now I love to keep it that way

xoxo,


Mae =)

Happy Place

Yeah I know, I'm a frustrated writer, poet and composer rolled into one! hehehhe...

I. I met you one sunny afternoon

   Looking so damn cute in your uniform

   I thought 'Hey, I wanna see you again soon

   Then I felt lilke my heart's been in a storm

   Coz you turn your gaze and look at me, Oh boy

Chorus:

   It's glorious, I'm victorious

   Hope I ain't that obvious

   I'm like Alice in the Wonderland

   And Peter Pan in his Neverland

   You're gorgeous, I'm serious

   Boy you're making me nervous

   You can see it on my face

   Oh how I love my happy place

II. Now I'm still in a daze

   We're now good friends than ever

   Felt like I've been through a maze

   It feels so good when we're together

   Can't help but smile and say (chorus)

III.I love the way you make me smile

    I love the way you tease

    It seems everything's worth while

    The way you tell me please

    Oh how I love my luck and now I wanna shout (Chorus)

Bridge:

   Now you see me falling fast

   So I watch you close and wait you catch

   But the look on me you've cast

   Tells me you ain't taking any notch

   So I waited to land on waste

   As I silently cry in haste

   It's hideous, I'm delirious

   I was too ambitious

   I swear for the rest of my days

   I'm never going back to my happy place

Finished on:

11:58am

July 29, 2010

xoxo,


Mae =)

Worst Goodbye

Here we go again... Hmmmmmm... another lyrics.. nothing but lyrics.. hehehhehe

I. We're living in a shadow for so long
   Pretending that nothing's wrong
   Though the air we breathe is telling
   Still we kept thinking it's nothing (now)


Chorus:
   I ain't sure if I can make it this time
   I'm like matching the words that wouldn't rhyme
   My mind's yelling me it's time to let go
   Yet my heart beat's telling me it isn't so
   But I need to stop living in a lie
   Oh how hard it is to bid my worst goodbye


II.Le'ts stop what we're doing I say
   Don't wanna wait for judgement day
   Better dance with the music while it's on
   And face what's wrong head on (coz) (Chorus)


III.I may sound a little uncertain
    But i'ts time to close the curtain
    My final bow, I'm making
    The last note I'll be singing (though) (Chorus)


Ref.:
   This time I'm doing it
   Dance with the hardest last beat
   I know it's slowly killing me
   And this wouldn't be easy, I see
   But reality bites painfully everyday
   Reminding me there's no more reason to stay, no (Chorus)


Bridge:
   This is the hardest thing to do
   And it's making me all blue
   It seems like I'm sentenced to die
   How I hate to say my worst goodbye


Finished this song on:
10:20 am
July 29, 2010




xoxo,


Mae =)

Walk Away

Okay so this is my second attempt to write some lyrics... again, still waiting for someone to put some music into it! Yay! I'm excited for that "musical" moment to take place! So paging, those who know how to make some melodies out there and turn some poems or lyrics into a song, please... sing to me now! heheheh

I. It doesn't make any sense
   So please let's stop the pretense
   I never asked for this
   Never thought with you I'd find bliss
   I'm not asking you to fall for me
   Now I'm telling you, you see


Chorus:
   Walk away, just walk away
   No, you've got nothing else to say
   So I'm doing it my way
   Let me stay, please make me stay
   There's no easy way
   So I say come what may


II.You claim it's hard to believe 
   Felt like you've been deceived
   But I wanna let you know
   I'm for real, I ain't having any show
   You could choose to believe in me
   Or ignore me, or just maybe (Chorus)


Ref.
   I know it isn't right
   To look for you when you're out of sight
   You may find it uncool
   And probably mistake me for a fool
   But no, I could no longer help it
   I'm taking your heart and I'm wearing it
   You say just keep your thoughts though
   But I ain't changing my mind so
   (Chorus)


Bridge:
   You can choose to see right through me
   Or leave everything like they're used to be
   You can catch me along the way
   Or just simply walk away


Finished this on:
11:33pm
July 28, 2010




xoxo,


Mae =)

Fast Talk, Real Talk

I know Thank You's not enough

Especially when things get too tough

for sticking with me through it all

I'll do my best to hear you too when you call

I know at times we bicker

But that made our bond grew thicker

I'll always be grateful for your presence

Though at times we talk about non sense

A sister in thought and heart you've been

A worthy shoulder I know I could lean

Hope our friendship never perish

Coz your one of the few I'll always cherish

~written July 26, 2010 @ 10:18am

xoxo,


Mae =)

My Own Quotable Quotes!

I don't know why but sometimes, I love to say things in deep, poetic manner... nyahahahhaha... Anyways, here are some of those random-weird thoughts, these were the thoughts I have during my euphoric-poet state...☺

"Lesson Learned: I'd rather surround myself with few  but real friends than be with the company of countless fakes and pretenders. Just because you call each other as friends, it doesn't mean they value you like one. Sometimes you're just friends by name, but not by virtue!"

"God I pray for enough patience to understand the way things are, enough courage to face the way trials along the way, and enough strength to keep me going. You're the sole reason why I've hanged-on to my sanity!"

"One mention of your name and a nostalgic feeling instantly envelopes me! gosh, am i missing you that bad?"

"Falling inlove with a friend can be a blessing or a curse... sadly, it's one of the greatest curse i need to injure!"

"I ain't sad that you're not talking to me anymore,just terrified 'coz u seemed to forget the friendship we once had!"

"Keep doing that, keep pushing me away! Maybe it would help me remind myself how foolish i am to have fallen' in love with you!"

"Sometimes, reading your text messages first thing in the morning isnt a good idea;coz it could bring you heartaches!"

"Had a dream bout you the other day, thought of you yesterday, wondered bout you today..Hey, can you spare the time away from me if you may?!"

"I've deleted you in my phone memory, but it's no use coz I can't seem to delete you off my own memory!"

"Make up your mind, don't be too kind. I'm not that blind, I know you're gona leave me behind. My heart you'd grind,but I know one day happiness I'll find!"

"It's the first of July, remembering those days that swiftly went by. how I wish you could've lie,instead of saying goodbye!"

"I know I may have ruined our friendship but what I feel I could no longer keep. Maybe I've made a mistake but I just don't wanna be fake."

photo credits: Google image (photos in my blog were taken from either the internet or my personal photos (photos from me, friends and family).


~more to come ^_^

xoxo,


Mae =)