I was debating with myself a while ago on whether I should write about this sudden thoughts I have or not... I was half way on deciding not to when I decided to scroll on @ispeakfemale's tweet trying to look for quotes to update my facebook status (which I change like tons of times) and I came across this one specific tweet, "It's not that I don't believe in love. I'm a very strong believer in it actually...I just think that it doesn't believe in me."
And upon reading those words, a decision was made, better put my recent thoughts into writing!
You see, I'm 24 years old, I know some people might say I'm still young and that eventually I would find that one guy whom I would exchange "I love yous" and all those sweet nothings uttered by couples who are head over heals in love with each other.
Yet deep down I have this fearful belief that maybe, love in its romantic sense, is not just for me.
Growing up, I always think how it feels to be in a real romantic relationship. It's not that I've never been with the opposite sex, as far as I can recall, I know I had spent enough time with them... in fact it's more than enough time because I always end up having my heart broken!
Except for that one "unofficial relationship" (if it's even called a relationship since he never made it clear to me on whether what we had was love or I was just assuming we had a thing going on) or that 7-days 'so-called boyfriend' I had (which I no longer considered a relationship after thinking how abrupt the thing between us ended) then I guess it's safe to say that I consider myself as a NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) certified.
I can't seem to come up with any logical explanation on why I can't seem to meet a guy who would get into a serious relationship with me and not just give me short-term spine-chilling, heart-thugging moments.
Really! What is wrong with me?! I seem to repel guys because everytime I try to invest emotions towards them, it would either end up unappreciated and unrequited or it would simply end without clear explanation or whatsoever.
The more I try to make sense out of everything, it only gets more senseless!
Maybe some would say my expectations are set on a very high bar or my mind is too caught up with all those fairytalish romance, maybe they're right, maybe they're not.
But I'm not looking for the knight-in-shining-armor kind of guy, nor a "hollywoodish" man, nor Mr. Perfect, nor Richie Rich. As a matter of fact I'm not looking, I'm just waiting for the arrival of that God-given guy. Patiently waiting that is!
Waiting... and waiting... and waiting...
Get the idea now? I feel like I've been waiting for so long, too long! That's why I can't help but think that maybe, I am waiting for that one great love that may never come, that may never happen.
Thinking about it not only makes me sad, but worse, it makes me feel unwanted. Maybe it's too early for me to give up on love. It's too soon to lose my faith in it. Who knows?
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right...
xoxo,
Mae
PS this was previously posted on my deleted WOrdpress blog... ^^
1 comment:
daughter! now this is deep! i feel for you nak! You know someone said to me before that Patience is not just a virtue, it's a skill. I know you're not the only person who keeps on waiting but there are bunches of girls out there too! Hindi ka nag-iisa! hahaha
Piece of advice: There's always, always time for everything. Love will come when you least expect it and my dear, don't find Love.
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