Is it for real, is it just another game?

"I am sorry", he said....


Now what?... What then would happen after?...


I was caught off guard when he finally uttered those eight-letter words. I wasn't expecting that after those five long years that he had unknowingly broke my heart, he would then realize that he had done me wrong. I can't even count with my own fingers on how many times he'd hurt me. And maybe that constant pain he'd given me, transformed my heart into a nearly-calloused heart. Maybe during those times when he repeatedly left me broken and wounded, I eventually allowed myself to get used with the pain and turned my heart numb from everything else.


Honestly, I'm kind of doubtful about what he'd told me. I'm not sure if he did mean it when he said he was sorry, or did he just said it just for the heck of saying it! Or probably he knew it's Christmas season and he felt being humane, or probably he was just carried away with the "season of loving and sharing"!


I'm really confused. I'm caught between wanting to believe him because I want to vindicate ourselves for being so insanely stupid about handling the situation that we both brought onto ourselves in the first place and doubting his sincerity because of this fear that he's just sugar coating his words.


For now, I am still trying to weigh things. Maybe what I really want to happen is to see him say it directly to my face... I want to know how it really feels when he would look straight into my eyes and utter those words.


I want to be assured that this time the words he have said are for real, that he really meant it...


...and not just another empty words.


xoxo,


Mae =)