CRUMPLED

"I hope both of you rot in hell!" I swear I'm screaming hysterically these words at the back of my mind the moment I heard from our common friends the things that they've done behind my back.

Back-stabbing, ungrateful friends indeed they were, I told myself half believing it. I can't seem to find any sane reason why despite my being so good to them, they were still able to back-stabbed me like that. But then again didn't I saw this thing coming? Call me crazy, but yes I had this ominous feeling that soon, one or some of the people I'm hanging out with (whom I actually considered friends) would eventually hurl hurtful words either on my face or behind my back. True enough, it happened!

Though I hopefully prayed it won't, still it did and it was frustratingly unstoppable. The damage was done, a gap was created, and they went unfairly overboard this time. It's true, I was badly wounded, emotionally battered by the awful things and offensive words they've said against me.

I can't grasp the logic on why they have to say those things behind my back, describe me in a way as if I'm the most hideous creation of a human, next to Frankenstein. The words really did cut and dug deeper into my soul. I never remembered bragging anyone about how I look, because in the first place, there's nothing to brag about it either. I know I don't have the face like that of Angelina Jolie nor Aphrodite. I am aware that I don't have a pleasant look, but why do they have to emphasize the flaws I have? It seems like they've made the way I look as their laughingstock.

But more than that, I was mostly hurt because I truly and willingly offered them my friendship, without any expectations, nor asking them favors in return. Yes, I voluntarily shared them one of the greatest thing a person can offer to others, and I do believe that is genuine friendship. Yet what they've done seems to be a form of rejection to what I have freely handed over to them. They were like throwing it back to me in pieces as if they never really wanted it in the first place.

I was fooled, I felt betrayed! Probably it's my fault one way or another since I was so caught up with this belief that I had. "Friends are your real treasure, so take very good care of them!" I do value friendship so much, in fact too much at times, that I would do everything in my limited power to make them happy. Sounds like crap but it's true, I do love my friends so much. And when I say I am your friend, I really do mean that. I am more than willing to live up to what the word FRIENDSHIP means. I may sound another "kiss ass", but sorry to disappoint you, I'm not the kind of person who would circle the earth just to please someone.

If along the way, my actions or my being true annoyed these so called friends of mine and even pushed them to react the way they reacted then all I can say is, "I'm sorry!" I never mean to get on their nerves, I was just being myself all the time. I apologize if my being real bothered them. I just don't like to go living on earth pretending to be someone I'm not. Doing such is not only emotionally-draining but it's soul-scorching as well!

Honestly, I have no vivid picture on how all of these would end. Though somehow I'm hoping and praying that everything would be over! It's not easy waking up every morning with a heavy heart. It's quite difficult to pretend every single day that nothing is really going on when you know deep within you that there is. I know all of these things happening right between me and my friends have reasons...reasons that are yet to be known and probably, to be learned the hard way. Hopefully, with our human efforts and with God's guidance, we'll be able to iron back the crumpled friendship we have. In GOd's time, I do really pray.

I'm still hoping that the bond of friendship is stronger than the many differences and shortcomings our individual lives have...
:'(

xoxo,

Mae =)